Some days I just feel weary and discouraged….
For several years, I feel that God has given me a “theme verse,” and those still apply to my life! But the One Word concept has really focused me. Last year’s word was BE…which obviously shaped this blog. I’ve been trying to re-focus myself after all the busyness & craziness & “holiday events” over the past couple of months….He’s still been talking to me, but I haven’t been able to truly process it all…until I started back journaling again. I missed it.
After a couple of false starts for My One Word, it’s become clear that my word for 2013 is FAITH. And that my “theme verse” is 2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Lots of GC’s!!!! Including a sermon last week entitled “The Key to 2013: Faith.”
You see, I’m pretty sure that I am being directed along a path that God has been guiding me to for years…preparing me, teaching me, etc. A path that either I tried to ignore/deny or that it just wasn’t His timing yet…I’m not sure. But either way, I know that it will require me to just take Faith Steps one at a time & trust Him to do His work in me.
Should be some interesting scenery along the way…
In the middle of the night, when I can’t sleep because my mind will NOT stop its analyzing the day, regurgitating the mistakes, fretting about the future that I know I can’t control, I roll over and lie on my tummy. And I say “tummy” because that’s the correct word in this situation. Within a couple of minutes, my body starts to relax, I feel the deep sigh and my mind finally shuts off. Never fails. Of course, I can’t stay that way because my neck starts to stiffen, and every one knows that position etches the deep wrinkles right into your face. Right? But it only takes a few minutes to achieve that state of mind so that I can finally sleep.
I have no idea why this position works. Is this a physical thing where my body is stretched out into the most conducive position for relaxation? Or is there a deeper meaning? Did my mother put me on my tummy to sleep when I was a baby? Is this such a safe, familiar place in my psyche that my mind responds?
What about that other position that God has been trying so long to teach me that provides the safest, most peaceful environment? Will I ever COMPLETELY learn? I long for that. I know I’m progressing, but the learning curve seems so steep…
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
I see it written in black ink in my journal entry dated February 12, 2007 – nearly 5 years ago to the day! The questions that I asked “Father, Abba, Jesus, Lover of my Soul, Spirit, Guider of my Life” answered.
It was basically a love letter to me because I had pondered an age-old question: “Do you love me? Am I loveable?”
Some of it’s too personal to share here, just like all good love letters are. But the good news is HE LOVES ME! He “thinks I’m CUUUTE!” (Credit given to Ruldoph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.)
I had also asked “Why do I have such a lack of confidence? Why am I so full of self-doubt? Why do I feel that I am not good enough?”
He then told me “Be confident in what the I AM gave you – all aspects of you.” Then He proceeded to list some of the qualities He had given me including “….your heart, your sincerity, your tears, your thought processes, and all those things you try to hide & dismiss as nothing, as less than perfect, as unimportant, trivial or not good enough…I made you the way you are for a reason. You are perfect, Chrystal, because I am perfect. Do not let the enemy’s lies make you believe or respond differently.”
Wait for it….wait…..”BE (LIVE) WHO I MADE YOU TO BE, AND I WILL DO THE REST.”
He started me on this journey to BE a long time ago -way before 2/12/07. Just like yours, my journey began when I was born and continues until I’m Home.
It all happens DURING THE DASH BETWEEN THE YEARS. (click on the link)
I want to live in such a way that my dash has meaning. That people wll have more to say about me than she was nice. I want the boldness & vision that can only come from the One Who Created me, the One Who Made me the way I am for a reason. I published Disturb Us, Lord by Sir Francis Drake yesterday.
Dare I pray that?
“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6
That’s My One Word. Short. Sweet. Simple. Uh, strike that last one. Because this word is FAR from simple. This may be the most complex, complicated word in the dictionary: “To exist in actuality; have reality or life.” I want to exist in God’s actuality from now on because…..well, mine isn’t working so great.
I came across this one word concept – this challenge that narrows the long list of improvements that YOU want to make in your life to a single thing that centers on what GOD wants in your life – and my mind danced over about 50 words in the span of a few short moments. Well, of course, it did. I have this long history of viewing my imperfections, my flaws, my weaknesses with a very powerful magnifying glass. My litany of words included trust, surrender, open, ORDER grateful ,humility, ABIDE, engage, follow, consistent, INTENTIONAL, along with platitudes like healthy, wealthy and wise….until I decided FOCUS might be a better word for me.
Then my heart heard BE.
The word that covers everything in any given moment. Everything that God wants of me. As I need it. In God’s actuality, God’s reality, God’s life for me.