Yes, songs are speaking to me. To my heart. Enough said.
A few months ago, I got totally blindsided by my INTENSE emotional reaction to something. Seriously. My breath caught, and I had some difficulty breathing smoothly. I immediately started crying my eyes out and couldn’t stop for about 10 minutes. I actually still fought the urge to cry for several minutes after that.
This is what triggered that reaction:
Intrigued by someone’s blog, I had been directed to a YouTube video (scroll to the bottom for the video) which I couldn’t stop watching…over & over. I was mesmerized, appalled and heartbroken. Although this is a fictionalized video, the look on the woman’s face at the end of the video made me cringe and twisted my heart.. But still I was totally caught off guard when I clicked on a link that led me to the Abuse Hotline and its “Quick Escape” button.
I must tell you that I have never been abused in any way nor has anyone close to me that would have caused me to have this kind of reaction. Yes, I obviously do know some people that have been abused and that knowledge has affected me, but I wasn’t involved/affected in a way that would have triggered this kind of emotional response. This extreme response.
There have been many other GC’s over the past year concerning this. Brokenness. Emotional healing. Jesus as healer. Books. Scripture. People that God’s brought into my life. I even wrote a blog post about the beginning stirrings in my heart.
So…..what now? That’s what I’ve been asking myself and God. What now? What exactly does this mean? What do I do with this?
I could keep asking or I could take the first step. Through the first door He has opened as I wrote about here. Oh yeah. There’s been a door opened….wide. With a pretty big sign on it that says “Enter here, Chrystal.” I’ll talk about that next….
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
That passage has been sent to me several different times, several different ways over the past couple of months…..especially verse 18….and I’ve quoted it to a friend of mine that I really felt need to hear it. Along with Psalm 147:3 and Isaiah 61:1.
Maybe I need to back up a little.
A few years ago, a friend of mine persuaded a small group of women to read the book Listening Prayer: My Sheep Hear My Voice by Dave and Linda Olson, which outlined a very new concept to me. To talk to Jesus and actually expect Him to answer in a very real way. Imagine that! In fact, this book addressed learning how to listen to Him in our daily lives, a DIALOGUE rather than a monologue, and even emotional healing through listening. We actually had a couple of listening sessions with some of these women, but for a variety of reasons, didn’t pursue it for long. (Maybe the enemy had something to do with that?)
Somewhere along the line, I picked up the book Victory over the Darkness: Realizing the Power of Your Identity in Christ by Neil Anderson that “emphasizes the importance of believing and internalizing the cardinal truths of Scripture as a base from which to renew the mind and fend off Satan’s relentless attempt to convince us that we are less than Christ empowers us to be” ….but never read it. And last year sometime, I had found a free Kindle book on Amazon called A Guide for Listening and Inner-Healing Prayer: Meeting God in the Broken Places by Rusty Rustenbach….I skimmed through a couple of chapters and thought “It would be good to work through this book” and put it aside.
As Psalm 34:17-18 kept popping up, I remembered that a print that I bought from an artist Jonathan Rogers (check out more of his artwork and his statement), who came to our church years ago to talk and exhibit his work, had the reference Psalm 34:18 on it! When I originally saw the print, I was just totally drawn to the image. All these things started to come together. I suggested to the friend mentioned above, that I would be willing to go through a “listening prayer session/sessions” with her, as outlined in the books…so we did one. I felt it was pretty awesome, and I believe she did, too. So we have more sessions in mind.
My next step is a little mini-retreat for myself. Time to delve more into this PERSONALLY….know I have some broken places that need binding up and the healing touch of Jesus’ love so that His love can pour out to others. Learning to Be is still a journey.