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“In my heart and my soul, Lord I give You control. Consume me from the inside out.”

Those words are easy to say but harder to REALLY mean them. There have been many, many, many, many times that I’ve prayed this with all my heart as I sang them.  I really do DESIRE this but have to admit that I always struggle with the C-Word – CONTROL!  Constantly, constantly, constantly.

The hardest part of being on the worship team is sometimes feeling like a hypocrite as I sing certain words.  It all comes back to “feelings” for me. I am such an emotional person.  I don’t always “feel” the way I think I should or the way I have in the past.  Although I realize that the Faith Walk is about obedience and surrendering and trusting, etc., there have been so many times that I have “felt” the Spirit, “felt” EMOTIONAL, etc.  and when I don’t “feel” something, I feel (oooops….see? Can’t get away from it!) that I’m not close to the Lord or that I’m doing something wrong or not in His will, etc.  That I’m not DOING enough…not reading my Bible enough, not studying hard enough, not praying enough, not being DEVOTED enough.

So I sing this with faith. Faith that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. He can transform me from the inside out and will as long I continue to have faith and trust.  It’s not up to me. It’s not due to my work or my emotions. It’s all about Him. It’s about His Grace, His Light, His Glory. It’s about worshipping Him even when I don’t “feel” it simply because He is worth of praise.