I had a comment on Part 1 that summed up exactly where I wanted to go in this “series:” One of the difficulties of the wilderness is knowing whether God is keeping you there or you are keeping you there. Thanks, Jonathon Stone. Check him out. He has a great blog.
One of the things I love so much about journaling is going back and re-reading what God & I have discussed…sometimes ad nauseum, unfortunately. And I always wonder at His patience with me….and feel blessed that He just doesn’t give up on me.
I’m not even sure WHY I’m writing about the wilderness right now….because I don’t feel that I am IN one at the moment. Actually, I feel like I’m moving TOWARD something even though I still don’t really know where I’m going. But I do know that I heard a sermon about the wilderness one day. And the very next day, starting reading about it in Joyce Meyer’s book because it was the NEXT chapter. And I do know that when He gives me a GC, He has a reason.
tons lots many more-than-I’d-like tons of days where I wrote about the wilderness, trying to understand. What is WRONG with me? Or should the question be: IS there something wrong with me?
I want to talk about the “whether God is keeping” me in the wilderness aspect first. Why would/does He lead us (ME) to the wilderness or keep us (ME) in the wilderness? Here’s one of those journal writings from a few years ago:
Last Saturday night when we had the ______ over for dinner, I told them how this past year has been such a wasteful year, unproductive, unfruitful, dry. I’ve felt no growth, felt distant from You – I’ve just existed. My life has just flown by with nothing that I can see accomplished. _______ said, ” it would be interesting to see what you prayed for over the previous year or so – maybe God has just been answering that prayer. Maybe you just can’t see why He has you HERE.” Or something to that effect.
The very next morning Pastor Bob said “sometimes the desert is right where God wants you to be.” Wow! I really want to talk with You more about all this. I re-read my journal this a.m. and I see so many connections with my heart, healing, etc. that I just ignored or didn’t follow through. I’m not sure yet why I’ve been in the desert – preparation for the work ahead? To ignite my desire for you? Because like the Israelites, I wasn’t READY to move into the Promised Land?
Real time here….I’m a little stunned by what I just realized as I typed the above. I hadn’t really read that 2nd paragraph very well in my journal before I began typing…..I need to take a break and talk to Someone privately…
How could I have been so blind?
I knew that He had a purpose in the wilderness GC I mentioned above. THIS is why I write! So that He can point me back to what He’s been revealing to me. To what He’s been teaching me. To connect the dots for me so that I can SEE what He wants me to see – WHEN He wants me to see it. I feel like He keeps lifting the cover off a container to give me a peek but not show me everything that’s in there. Guess He knew I wasn’t ready.
And guess I’ve still been wandering around after all….and He’s been feeding me manna all along….
Beginning to understand a little better all the “do not fear” verses and the rest of the ones He uses to comfort me.
There’s a lot my Best Friend Jesus and I need to discuss. He told me at the beginning of the year (check it out here) that He was going to tell me great and unsearchable things….if I asked. And with another GC that kept popping up this year, I just knew what one of the big topics would be. I had replied to a comment on my very 1st blog post: Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. Little did I know.