The Chaos in Me – Part 1

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CHRISTIANITY, GOD, FAITH, RELIGION, JESUS, HOLY SPIRIT, PRAYER, BLESSING, PEACE

Saw this yesterday on Facebook and even shared it. Thought it was a great saying for people who are really going through a hard time. Tucked it away in the back of my mind for me but didn’t REAAAAAALLLY take it to heart now. Why not? Well, I’m NOT having STORMS….no “bad” times….no crisis like some I know & love. No sorrow. No fires in my house. No heartaches….Crazy busy, but it’s aaaallll gooood.

Uh, duh…someone had put blinders on me, trying to fool me into thinking I was in control again. That I was independent. That I didn’t NEED any help from The Helper. That I might be in danger of moving away from Him, step by step, until I became either self-sufficient or broken or bitter or…..

I’ve still been running at breakneck speed because…well, there’s still a lot going on. Two graduations (high school and college) coming up within the next month with all kinds of events and projects associated with them. And although I didn’t travel to be with them, both my father-in-law and my mother have had surgeries this past week. I’ve been praying for them but didn’t think it was affecting me very much. I can handle it all on my own, remember?  I realized this morning that it was….

FINALLY I sat down to journal this morning. I’ve been feeling pretty guilty about neglecting my quiet time and my relationship with God.  I’ve definitely seen Him working in my life and around me but haven’t “felt” Him. I know that “feelings” aren’t everything, but I’ve been missing that component of our relationship. I’ve been DOING for Him but not BEING with Him. Even reading the Bible has not been the “conversation with the Living God” that I wrote about before but had become something to check off on my “to-do” list.

After I had journaled and talked to God for a while (it was great by the way), I picked up an email devotion that I had printed out back in January. Obviously, I didn’t read it very well. *insert sarcasm*

This is what caught my eye:

Because the chaos isn’t from my circumstances. It’s inside me.

To be continued….

I’m a HUGE Second-Guesser…

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CHRISTIANITY, GOD, FAITH, RELIGION, JESUS, HOLY SPIRIT, PRAYER, PEACE, CONFIDENCE, TRUST

I just love it when God works things out according to His Plan.

I had been struggling with a recent decision of mine. I had to choose between 2 things. In my heart I felt that God had led me to one particular choice so I felt that I was doing what He wanted.  In fact, when I expressed my second-guessing, someone involved encouraged me by saying “you need to believe that you did exactly what you were supposed to do.”

But the decision I made wasn’t what I really wanted or even what I thought (in the back of my mind) would be the FINAL outcome.  So…..even though I had peace about my decision, I still kinda second-guessed myself. Had I really heard God correctly? Unfortunately, I tend to do that a lot….but less than I did.

I just prayed that He would sort it out according to His Plan….what He really wanted. That doors He wanted closed would be closed and doors He wanted opened would be opened.  And of course, that’s exactly what He did.

I could be wrong, but I have an idea why it happened that way. But in any case, this is just another step in the journey of trusting God…..even if it makes no sense at the time and even if I don’t have faith in myself. I just need faith in the Faithful One.

I’m sure what I just wrote makes absolutely no sense to you with all its ambiguity and vagueness! But that’s OK…..just wanted to acknowledge His Power and that HE is control. Always. Hallelujah for that!

Hamster Wheel for Sale

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CHRISTIANITY, GOD, FAITH, JESUS, HOLY SPIRIT, PERSPECTIVE, BIBLE, Solomon

OK,  I’m not really spinning around that wheel getting nowhere. I’m actually making headway and getting things accomplished. But I feel as tired as if I were just running & running & running around & around. So, so tired.

Truth is: I’m way over-committed. There are just too many activities. But luckily things are winding down a little. Hang in with me…I do have a point. You don’t really have to read my list of activities if you don’t want. Just skip ahead.

• Our Pastoral Search Committee has its last interview Sunday afternoon so we’ll be meeting next week to make the decision about who we are recommending to our Leadership Team and congregation. We have been meeting at least once a week since October, with the last couple of months meeting at least twice a week.
• There’s only one more Friday night children’s program until summer break. I need to evaluate whether I continue with that next fall.
• My high school senior’s swim season has started (boohoo, last child’s sporting season). We took him to a veeerrrrrry long UCLA Bruin Day last weekend (yes, he was accepted out of a record-breaking 100,000+ applicants…and yes, I’m boasting). Along with a myriad of other “lasts” and “firsts,” and I certainly don’t want to miss these last few high school events or exciting ones for his future….
• Our Life Group is on an ACCELERATED Read thru the Bible plan. Not just reading God’s Word daily…but reading A LOT of God’s Word Daily. I’m totally to blame for that one. It was allllllll my idea…..
• In order to help take care of my family’s health and grocery needs, I decided to plant a vegetable garden. Elevated raised bed construction done & some things actually planted. Much more to go though. Of course, because it’s already April, my husband & I had to work for many hours to make the box, gather the materials for the soil mixture of peat moss/vermiculite/and several different kinds of compost, and actually mix & prepare the box for planting.
• I work full-time and in addition, tomorrow I work at a street fair, selling products for my company.
• Uh, there’s more…..but I’ll stop.

These are all good things. And most of them were planned and committed to well in advance of this time. Some are just life. So how in the world did this happen? OK, I just laughed a little with my words of choice: “how in the world.” Guess that answers my question right there.

Earthly vs. Kingdom activities. And even the Kingdom activities need to be “approved” by the King.

Yes, the pastoral search qualifies as an Kingdom activity, but the degree of intensity & time is also determined by the mixture of personalities on that team. Trust me about that. The children’s program at church is also a Kingdom activity, but is this the place God wants me to spend my time & my giftedness?  Am I doing that ministry just because there’s a need or because He wants me there? Is there another ministry that He’s calling me to rather than this one? I think so. But I’m waiting to hear for certain.

God knew that this time was coming. He warned me. He tried to prepare me. I wrote a reflection for a sermon topic in March about Unplug and Be Refreshed. I’m not being very obedient about the 4th Commandment. Solomon told us “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” My mind and body are telling me the time for rest is now.

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• #78 – Hamster & The Wheel (fewgoodthings.wordpress.com)

From the Inside Out

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CHRISTIANITY, GOD, FAITH, RELIGION, JESUS, HOLY SPIRIT, TRUST, WORSHIP

“In my heart and my soul, Lord I give You control. Consume me from the inside out.”

Those words are easy to say but harder to REALLY mean them. There have been many, many, many, many times that I’ve prayed this with all my heart as I sang them.  I really do DESIRE this but have to admit that I always struggle with the C-Word - CONTROL!  Constantly, constantly, constantly.

The hardest part of being on the worship team is sometimes feeling like a hypocrite as I sing certain words.  It all comes back to “feelings” for me. I am such an emotional person.  I don’t always “feel” the way I think I should or the way I have in the past.  Although I realize that the Faith Walk is about obedience and surrendering and trusting, etc., there have been so many times that I have “felt” the Spirit, “felt” EMOTIONAL, etc.  and when I don’t “feel” something, I feel (oooops….see? Can’t get away from it!) that I’m not close to the Lord or that I’m doing something wrong or not in His will, etc.  That I’m not DOING enough…not reading my Bible enough, not studying hard enough, not praying enough, not being DEVOTED enough.

So I sing this with faith. Faith that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. He can transform me from the inside out and will as long I continue to have faith and trust.  It’s not up to me. It’s not due to my work or my emotions. It’s all about Him. It’s about His Grace, His Light, His Glory. It’s about worshipping Him even when I don’t “feel” it simply because He is worth of praise.

Viewing the Cross with a New Perspective

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FAITH, RELIGION, JESUS, PERSPECTIVE, LENT, Messiah, Easter, Christ, Resurrection Day

Easter morning, I got up early while it was still dark to make some preparations for the luncheon I was hosting.

I looked out my kitchen window at the still visible moon and gasped!

What a sight and encouragement on Resurrection Day! Look at my photo carefully….and I’m not talking about the fact that the moon looks like an Easter egg….although it does!

I realize that there was a physical/logical reason for this cross radiating out from the moon – somehow viewing it through the window glass reflected something that did not appear in reality when I opened the door to view it.  Some may laugh at me and lump me in with the folks who see the face of Jesus on a cracker. And maybe they would be right to do so.

But I don’t care.  I take it as a gift. A gift of celebration. A gift of encouragement. A gift to remind me that He is there.

ALWAYS.

A gift to remind me that the cross itself was a gift of love.  A gift to remind me that He doesn’t always work the way I think, the way I expect or even the way I might like sometimes. Jesus certainly didn’t some 2000 years ago.

Our pastor had encouraged and invited us to NOTICE our Lord during this past season of Lent. We heard sermons reminding us that Jesus doesn’t fit into our box, that those in His day didn’t understand who He was because they had conflicts between who they wanted Jesus to be and who He really was. That we, too, can have that same personal conflict and preconceived notion of who Christ REALLY is. And what His Kingdom really is.

So maybe it makes perfect sense that to see the cross, what it represents, who Jesus really is, and what He wants for us and from us, we might need to view it with a different perspective……through a “window” that reflects something different than what WE view as reality – through FAITH. In 2 Corinthians 4:18, Paul tells us:

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I recently read that Abraham “functioned in the visible, temporal world with an invisible, eternal perspective.” This perspective affected every decision he made. What perspective are we using for our decisions?

Maybe seeing the face of Jesus on a cracker isn’t so crazy after all….

When You’re Tired of Being Torn: Why He Came {A Good Friday Reflection: The One-Piece Life} by Ann Voskamp

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Ann Voskamp, Christ, CHRISTIANITY, Good Friday, JESUS, Lord, RELIGION

My friend sent this fantastic blog post from Ann Voskamp, author of the best-selling book One Thousand Gifts. It totally wrenched my heart and had me sobbing. Thank you, Jesus!

When You’re Tired of Being Torn: Why He Came {A Good Friday Reflection: The One-Piece Life}

March 29, 2013

When You’re Tired of Being Torn: Why He Came {A Good Friday Reflection: The One-Piece Life}

Our Pastor calls to ask if I’d do one of a few dramatic monologues for Good Friday service— a moment through the eyes of the mother of Jesus? So I write down words… and imagine the mother of our Lord… fingering the bloody tunic of her Son.

Read more…..

It’s Friday….But Sunday’s Coming!

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CHRISTIANITY, Easter, FEAR, GOD, Good Friday, HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, RELIGION

I’ve posted this before, but it’s become a tradition for me to listen to this great video on Good Friday….by Dr. S.M. Lockridge! And if you haven’t listened to That’s My King by Lockridge….here’s 2 for the price of 1. Both POWERFUL videos.

To Be Known is to Be Loved

THIS IS THE REASON FOR THIS WEEK!

Modern day telling of the Samaritan woman in John 4.

God’s Word – Always on Time

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BIBLE, Books of Chronicles, CHRISTIANITY, David, FAITH, GOD, JESUS, PEACE, PRAYER, Solomon, TRUST

I have to confess that I was feeling a little discouraged last night after the Pastoral Search Committee met. We have been meeting for months, reading profiles, listening to sermons,interviewing, developing questions, praying and talking.  I was second-guessing and worried about our candidates and what our church needs at this point, our vision/direction and who might be the senior pastor that will be our partner in getting there.

I should have known better.  I needed a little reminder that we’re just His tools – that’s He’s in control. As usual, God’s timing is impeccable and on target and speaks to my heart right where I need it!!!

Our Life Group is reading through the Bible, and I was reading 1 Chronicles 28:20 this morning when David is turning over the throne and the building of the temple to Solomon:

English: Solomon builds the temple (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.”

Amen & Amen.

Related articles

• Questions for Reflection – 1 Chronicles 24-27 (thisdaywithgod.wordpress.com)
• 1 Chronicles 28-29 (thebiblescribe.wordpress.com)

Journey or Destination?

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CHRISTIANITY, FAITH, GOD, HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, PRAYER, RELIGION, TRUST

Another email devotional that I wanted to share with you. It’s right where I am right now……

By Mike DeVries

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed – not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence – continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2:12-13

We live in an instant society, don’t we? It seems that we can get anything we want, how we want it, when we want it. A few weeks back, I was looking at upgrading a bit of our backyard landscaping, so I decided to head over to Home Depot to see what I could find. Now mind you, I’m not very good at gardening. I seem to have quite a knack for killing anything living and green. Perhaps you know what this is like as well.

As I entered Home Depot and asked someone for help, I was directed to the outside patio where I was met with a myriad of foliage options, all full-grown and ready to plant. I found an employee who was willing to help. I asked, “Not that I’m ready for this, but where are all the seeds? Do you still carry those?”

“Sure. But no one really uses them anymore. Too much work.”

Really. Fascinating.

It seems we live in a society where we want the instant result, off-the-shelf, and ready to go – but rarely are we willing to personally put in the effort required for the results we desire. We want the destination; we just don’t want the journey.

Oddly, we approach our faith in much the same manner. We want wholeness now. We want freedom now. We want peace now. Somehow we’ve bought into a myth that says once we embrace life in Jesus, it’s over – mission accomplished, we’ve reached the finish line. But what if embracing life in Jesus is just the start of the journey? What if, rather than crossing the finish line, all we’ve done is take a step across the starting line? This is what I needed to hear right now! Although I already know it, there are times when I just can’t SEE any progress and get frustrated and discouraged by it. I think “What am I doing wrong? Why am I not a ‘better Christ-follower’? Why am I not doing great things for the Lord? Why am I not fulfilling my purpose and call? Where’s my faith?”

This is the experience of the people in the scriptures. Faith wasn’t about having all the right answers, or arriving at some final destination, but was about being in process. It was about interacting with the present and living God, always growing in their understanding of this God. That is why Paul writes what he does in Philippians 2:12-13.

He tells the followers of Jesus that just as they had done in the past, so they should “continue to work out their salvation with fear and trembling.” In other words, don’t think you’ve arrived, but continue to wrestle with what it looks like to live this salvation kind of life in the here and now. He tells them to do this with “fear and trembling,” or with a sense of awe and importance, because to live this way is to expand the dream God has for this world – His good purpose for all things. This is the best explanation of that verse I’ve ever heard….speaks right to me. I always wonder what that means….”“continue to work out their salvation with fear and trembling.” WRESTLING…I say again WRESTLING…. with what it looks like to live this salvation kind of life in the here and now. Yeah, that part I’m pretty good at….Now to continue to submit and allow Him to continue to work IN me and THROUGH me and to remember this is a journey….

So, as you journey this week, approach your faith as a work in progress, asking yourself the question, “What might it look like for me to live the good news in the here and now?”

GOING DEEPER:

How might your life change if you could admit that you were in process – on a journey – rather than already at the destination? What areas are you currently in process with?

FURTHER READING:

Genesis 32:22-30; Acts 15; Philippians 2:12-13

Related articles

• work out your salvation with fear and trembling (believinginchristjesus.wordpress.com)
• Work “out” your salvation- don’t work “for” it (andrewejenkins.wordpress.com)